I’ll be honest. I all but forgot about this personal blog of mine for the past 3 years until I stumbled upon an article on Apartment Therapy about my living room redesign in Charlottesville.
Since that article, I bought a house, moved an hour away to Richmond, had major business changes and have traveled more than half of the year every year since then (that cabin fever really did a toll on me, I guess)
I started this blog post and many other creative endeavors in 2020 when the reality of the world was too much to bear and I went inwards to create peace for myself. Of course, I also had significantly more time on my hands to build this blog and this life and by default was intentional with everything that I did because…well…there wasn’t much else going on.
Afterwards, of course, I found myself in a whirlwind of wedding postponements (I’m a professional wedding planner for anyone new reading this) back to back crazy busy weekends and driving 2-3 hours north to DC and Loudoun County every weekend with an occasional hotel stay in between. I also dissolved my relationship with my partner at the time and found myself slowly checking out of my life, my business and my social circle as the overwhelm for what my Covid and post-COVID world looked like.
I’ve been reflecting back on many things over the past few months as I’ve found myself in a relationship with a person who makes every day feel like a fairytale and who I’m confident I’ll grow alongside in this life.
I’ve had major setbacks, betrayals, overwhelm and feelings of being so low and helpless that many days when I was home were spent laying on the couch looking at memes until meetings or dinner time and just going through the motions.
Living with undiagnosed depression and fighting with everything I have against taking medication because I was raised to believe it was evil and couldn’t help me has taken a toll on who I am as a person, my life in general and the relationships that I value so much.
So I’m coming back to this place to write, to share, to document the things in my life that bring me so much joy but seem so ephemeral without further reflection. I’ll be sharing bits and pieces of this, more so as a personal diary that I can go back to and relive the life that I’ve built so one day when I’m old and grey I can reminisce on things that I did when I had zest for life.
I know that being open and vulnerable is something I’ve prevented myself from doing over the last few years because it felt like sharing my weaknesses would be like pointing out the holes and soft spots in my suit of armor. But I’m realizing that opening myself up is the only way for me to dig myself out of this insurmountable well of seclusion I’ve built around myself.
I know the world is large and full of life, love and friendships that I haven’t even begun. I know there is also heartache and trauma, devastation and difficulty when you open yourself up to the beauty. But I’m willing to put in the work and try every day, won’t you join me?